Sketch n Draw

This is a drawing I made on my phone with an app called Sketch n Draw and, since it got so much attention on my Facebook, I figured ok, why not upload it on my blog as well; it's been some time since I last posted anything like this anyway.


The framing is a bit off, I know, but people don't seem to notice that. So..yay! :)

Stepping out of the comfort zone - level over 9000

I don’t know exactly how eating pickles and watching It’s always sunny in Philadelphia – The gang hits the road – more specifically - brought me back to the summer of 2008, but it did.  

I remember I was walking barefoot around town together with a bunch of other crazy people and we were all cheerful and effervescent, with our excessively rosy cheeks and burnt, dirty feet. There was something in the air that night and everyone felt it.

Sounds cheesy I know, but we all managed to do something memorable that day and for me it was an experience that opened up my eyes in ways I will never forget. I still remember those words “I can, I want, I do”. You know what it’s like when you have in front of you almost 3 meters of fiery burning coal you’re supposed to walk barefoot on? Hey don't look at me like that :)) maaybe some of you do :))..but trust me when I'm telling you that it sure as hell isn’t easy to think of it as an ice skating surface when flickering bits of carbon are casually stroking your naked ankles. Ya’ll know what I mean? Your mind thinks one thing but your body tells you a totally different story. 

So I wrote down on a piece of paper every little thing that I didn’t like about myself and threw it away in the fire to get rid of it forever and then, with everyone around me yelling “ice, ice, ice!”, I walked bravely into the burning bunch of coal. And I came out of it in one piece, without feeling any pain or burn or bruise and I felt I could rule the world, because if I can think it, I can do it. And so I did. And I kind of feel proud about myself looking back, because I DO look back every once in a while, when things aren’t exactly going the way I imagined everything in my head and I repeat: I can, I want, I do. Easy. Sort of. 

And here’s something to feast your eyes on:

Der Kaffee. I make the best one in the world

My coffee is the best:

- After minutes lurking around my fridge in search for sweets and finding out my stash is completely empty (earth-shaking! I know you’ll agree)

     
      - When I’m feeling too lazy to drag my ass out of the house and buy some (see point 1)

      - When I’m out of movie snacks

    - In the morning, when I don’t feel like going to work just yet and I need an excuse to stay in for a couple of minutes more (I am a horrible employee, I know; no I'm not, just kidding)

        -  When I watch “It’s always sunny in Philadelphia”, because it makes me just as loud and frantic as Charlie and Mac and it’s easier to relate

     
     - In a huge mug with a reindeer on it (bought it in Karlsruhe, survived the plane trip, survived my cat – this mug is a hero; and a hero deserves coffee)

     
     - because I always get it for free from my dad (he buys me coffee every time we see eachother - it's still a mystery for me though why he does that)

     - because it can substitute anything, even a heater or a good night sleep :)) - oh you devious little thing

  

  The End

What happened? - Life

"What once was her whole world, suddenly seemed small. Nothing had changed, only her."

It's a gloomy, hopeless winter morning and noisy cars are hurrying down the street disturbing my sleep. The street lights are slowly penetrating my window curtains, making everything even more irritating. I'm laying in my bed, facing my laptop and trying to get rid of all my anxiety and frustrations. Throwing them out there, for others to see and judge and take them away from me. I'm not afraid of people judging, I'm only afraid of tomorrow. You dull, lifeless tomorrow..

And then there's you, of course. You, again and again. Can I get rid of you too if I put you here? Can others rob you away like they do with my affliction and discomposure? Judge you, scold you, tear you apart until there's nothing left? If I name you, will you finally be gone? Co-ra-zon.

Off to sleep I go, through sirens and lights. I'll fabricate a new you in my dreams, a new me and there their paths will never cross. Simple, remember? Just like you always wanted.

To be continued..

Diamonds and rust

I am leaving you behind today. Resent. I lose my bitterness and far-fetched bravery and I am accepting things as they are. I am openly embracing my routine. Right now. To the point where all the pressure dissolves, making room for bigger things. For better things.

Reconciliation. I welcome you in. 

I am fearless without strain. I am bold without conceit. I am everything good in me.. Are you?

This post is about myself. And everyone else.

I sometimes stop to think. And everything else stops as I do giving me enough time to go from daydreaming to speculating and eventually sweating over things of the past and over situations or opportunities that will never again occur. Should I feel regretful and weep? No. I am heavyhearted as it is anyway. Had I done things differently would I have known inner peace today? Would I have changed the outcome? I ask myself. Maybe. Maybe I would’ve been accomplished now. Maybe my search would’ve been over by now. Too soon I think. It would’ve been too soon..

Truth is, I like that I haven’t found what I am looking for. Whatever that might be. I like this little drama cornering me from every angle of my world these days. I enjoy this feeling of restlessness that keeps me awake every night. Who am I kidding, I like to see myself agonizing and posing as a victim and a martyr. It’s the fundamental condition of an artist they say. Anguish, I mean. But it goes just as good for anyone else I guess. There is no better incentive than difficulty and depression. No better claim to greatness than having your expectations deceived. It’s not comfort that will get you there, it’s the struggle and the sweat that push your limits. And I am ready for it now.  

 Mine scare the sh*t out of me: